With each sip getting bitter, my mind starts flying. I am unaware of who I am and why do I even try. After a couple of drinks, my body starts to levitate and my emotions start to blast like a grenade. I don’t feel cold anymore; I don’t feel burdened by my soul. I feel alive. With my every step, the floor starts feeling like a cloud. I shiver from the absence of my consciousness but I don’t need it anymore. Everyone around is my friend. Even my enemies look like cute little kids with lemonade. I smile, I smile wider and wider and almost like Heath Ledger ‘Joker’. My eyes are speaking a different language and my mouth speaks gibberish. I am debating over things which I am not even familiar with.


I can hear the music and I can feel it inside my body too. I can feel the pain of singer, I can feel his/her presence; as if he/she is standing right next to me and whispering the song into my ear and the orchestra playing music inside my head. I sing; I sing like a singer who has smoked cigarettes all the time and is unaware of what air feels like to lungs anymore. With my lungs about to burst and my feet on the cloud, I cry. I cry because the pain is real. All the memories flashback right in front of my eyes. I drown in the agony of all the incidents happened to me in the past. I feel treachery. Like a magician failed in his own magic trick. Instead of enjoying the moment, I feel the sting; voice trembling with my throat choking. I run for another drink so I can let this feeling sink inside.

I stare at my mobile screen with no notification and feel how lonely I have made myself. I want to call you but I won’t because I can see you right in front of me in the form of a dark shadow. I want all the attention. I want it to shower upon me. I need a shoulder to rest my wobble head on. I want to move on or have I already moved on? Questions never die.

Suffocated by everyone’s presence I run for some air with my way filled with bodies that are standing and acting like robots running on the same command. All I can see is blur face of everyone gazing at me. A few minutes ago they felt like my friend and now everything has changed.

Leading myself out of the house, I feel a strong spurt of wind. The sky is darker than my soul or our soul. Everyone has demons. Demons are sweet or evil. It’s just how you pet them. My demon has overtaken me and I am no more what I used to be. The street is silent with dark ends on both sides. No matter where I go, I will end up at the same place. My shadow is bigger than me. It leads my path. Am I a puppet or is it just the alcohol talking? Am I even real? Was I even living before? Is everyone even real?

With all these weird thoughts in my mind, my head starts hurting, I scream; fall on my knees and slowly drown in the street.

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Ruchirmittal

Ruchir Mittal


I write,you read. That's it.


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